This is where words go. And sometimes I type things that make sense in here. Hamburger. Stop sign. Socks.
Here are the money-makers from last weekend:
1st Place: Rio ($26.3 Million)
2nd Place: Madea's Big Happy Family ($25.1 Million)
3rd Place: Water for Elephants ($16.8 Million)
4th Place: Hop ($12.2 Million)
5th Place: Scream 4 ($7 Million)
What'd I tell you about 'Madea' movies? They'll always kick everyone else's butt. For the record, the film already paid off it's $25 Million dollar budget. That's impressive.
Here's this weeks new releases:
Fast Five
Directed by: Justin Lin
Written by: Chris Morgan (screenplay), Gary Scott Thompson (characters)
Length: 2 hrs 10 mins
Rated: PG-13
Cast: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris
Synopsis:
Dominic (Diesel) and his crew find themselves on the wrong side of the law once again as they try to switch lanes between a ruthless drug lord and a relentless federal agent. (IMDb)
This explains everything. Save your time, save your money. Hide your kids. Watch that video from The Onion, and you'll understand my exact feelings. Seemingly written by a 5 year old, this movie will lack any sort of character, leaving its entire entertainment pressure on action and sex scenes (although, being rated PG-13, don't expect much of the latter). I'm happy to see Vin Diesel back in the series, but with how similar him and the Rock look, it doesn't surprise me that the producers gave one of them a goatee and forced both to wear different color shirts. Hide your wife, save your money. Although it'll do fine making money, that doesn't mean it's any good.
Note: As I write this, Fast Five has an 77% on Rotten Tomatoes (79 positive votes, 23 negative). For the record, Inception had an 86%. I don't really know what this means.
Prom
Directed by: Joe Nussbaum
Written by: Katie Wech
Length: 1 hr 43 mins
Rated: PG
Cast: Aimee Teegarden, Thomas McDonell, DeVaughn Nixon, lots more unknowns.
Synopsis:
A group of teenagers get ready for their high school prom. (IMDb)Thank you IMDb for that synopsis. So short, you'd think it didn't have a plot! I can't wait for the summer (or 2012), when there are actually some movies that I'd recommend seeing. If you want to check out a halfway decent teen flick, just go to Scream 4. With a cast of nobodies, Prom won't even draw in any of those Twilight teenage girls that it had a chance with.
Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil
Directed by: Mike Disa
Written by: Mike Disa, Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards, Tony Leech
Length: 1 hr 25 mins
Rated: PG
Cast: Hayden Panettiere, Glenn Close, Patrick Warburton, Bill Hader, Martin Short, Andy Dick, Joan Cusack
Synopsis:
Red Riding Hood is training in the group of Sister Hoods, when she and the Wolf are called to examine the sudden mysterious disappearance of Hansel and Gretel. (IMDb)
This is the 45th consecutive week with a kids movie premiering. I may have made that up, but it doesn't matter: there are too many. The one positive chance this movie had, Hayden Panettiere, is ruined by the fact that it's animated. Remember, you're going to have to endure Joan Cusack and Andy Dick's annoying voices for the barely over one hour that this movie spans. If you want a kids movie, go to Rio. Or just rent something Pixar.
Dylan Dog: Dead of Night
Directed by: Kevin Munroe
Written by: Thomas Dean Donnelly & Joshua Oppenheimer (screenplay), Tiziano Sclavi (comic series)
Length: 1 hr 47 mins
Rated: PG-13
Cast: Brandon Routh, Anita Briem, Sam Huntington
Synopsis:
The adventures of supernatural private eye, Dylan Dog, who seeks out the monsters of the Louisiana bayou in his signature red shirt, black jacket, and blue jeans.
Another movie that is being released into an oversaturated market. Based on the comic book series by Tiziano Sclavi, Dylan Dog hunts supernatural monsters in Louisiana. I don't know if True Blood came first, but it really doesn't matter. Vampires and werewolves have been done one time too many; this makes it two. I appreciate the former Superman,Brandon Routh getting some work, I always liked him. Sam Huntington will be pure comic relief in this one, which isn't bad. He made me chuckle once or twice during the trailer. I guess what I'm getting at is, this one is your call. If your into the supernatural monster hunting genre, Dylan Dog will be right up your alley. If not, then that's an alley you're gonna wanna skip.
13 Assassins
Directed by: Takashi Miike
Written by: Diasuke Tengan (screenplay), Kaneo Ikegami (original screenplay)
Length: 2 hrs 21 mins
Rated: R
Cast: Kôji Yakusho, Takayuki Yamada, Yûsuke Iseya
Synopsis:
Cult director Takeshi Miike (Ichi the Killer, Audition) delivers a bravado period action film set at the end of Japan's feudal era in which a group of unemployed samurai are enlisted to bring down a sadistic lord and prevent him from ascending to the throne and plunging the country into a wartorn future. (Magnet Pictures)
Thanks, Japan (actually, I might redact that statement after watching The Cove, but none the less). Here we have a movie worth watching. Looking to be a solid period piece set in Japan about some samurai, it's hard to go wrong. The whole movie is subtitled however, so beware. However, with good action, music, cinematography, and a for sure compelling and engrossing story, you're in for a treat. But as usual, good luck, this one is on limited release.
Conclusion:
Rent something.
Watch responsibly.
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